tauheen-e-mahobbat bhi sahe lete hum
anjaam-e-furkat jo pahele se likha hota
parastish bhari aakhein jhuka dete hum
nigaah-e-yaar se utarana gar likha hota
neend aakho.n pe rakhke jaagate the hum
visaal-e-yaar bas kwaab hai gar pata hota
dil-lagi naa thi bas, woh bhi jaanate hai
kyun hai anjaan ab, itnaa to pata hota
aajkal kahaan unhe hai fursat itni asuph
tum jiye jaate ho, ye unko bhi gayaan hota
A Fine Imbalance 
the gayaan in the last line kinda wrecked it for me. and did not really get the second sher, other than that looking good 🙂 am i allowed to say wah wah.
bilbo
Asuph miyaa,
Commenting just to say Hi.. mebbe I will drop a mail one of these days.. But pataa nahi uske liye Muhuraat kab mile gaa.. So for now this comment will do..
Howdee ?? Yeh Kyaa badey badey Urdu words use karne lagaa hei tu ?? “Furkat”.. “Parishtish” aur pataa nahi kyaa kyaa.. Arey yaar apne Urdu Teacher ka pataa zaraa mujhey bhi de dey.. or should I say URL dede 🙂
One of Ur better ones this.. (in Urdu i.e), although somewords were bit bouncer..but still could get the overall “Drift” , and yes like Bilbo, I too felt the Gayaan at the end is bit jarring to a readers Zehen.. btw,I hope phonetically U meant “Gyaan” ?? is it or am I reading it wrongly and that therez indeed some word “Gayaan”.. in that case 1000 apologies in advance..
Keep Writing
IW
well guilty on the gayaan charge… that’s what happens when non-natives flirt with a language! ebazm dictionary, half-hearted pick up.. gotta kick it.
and bilbs, yes, you are allowed to say wah wah… i wud never stop you from doing that.
and iw, i already gave you the link… parastish-ki-aa taq? anyone… whatta word! whatta word… and iw, when I’m in masochistic mood, I’ll take up the project of translating “dikhaee-diye-yun..”… i swear.. and I’ll wait for that mythical mail. trust you’re keeping well..
regards,
asuph.
WAH WAH 😛
When I read the first sher, I went whoaaaaaaaa! The second was cool too, but the last 2 didn’t have the same effect.
Good effort though. Esp the first sher.
–fiz
Hmmm, I will come back once I go get my dictionary. : )) I can’t actually believe you are translating Dikhai diye yun. It’s the only one I’ve ever attempted to translate. But nothing can be like the original.
The comment above was by tocsin.
thanks fizo,
I agree. all I had was that one sher that kept knowing inside my head while I was driving to office. So before starting with day’s work, I made a ghazal out of that… urdu is not really my language 😦
regards,
asuph
absolutely nothing can be like the original. the idea is to convey *your* meaning, for those who couldn’t find *their*.
-asuph.