55 Word Fiction: Chotu

Chotu watched the photograph of SSC topper on the front page with a dreamy smile. He forgot all about the three glasses of hot tea. Reality returned with the sound of crashing glass. Then he felt a slap on his cheek.

Madarchaud, daactur banega?” the owner said contemptuously. Chotu braced himself for more beating.

—–

PS: My first foray into 55 word fiction taught me a lot more than I expected. I guess I’ll do this a little more. And my congratulations to all the SSC achievers.

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10 thoughts on “55 Word Fiction: Chotu

  1. IW says:

    Somehow i found the characters, story line too cliched (gheesa peeta). I am in no mood to spare you even though the PS says this is your first foray into 55 word fiction. No, you are far too talented & experienced to write a predictable piece like this. You can do better.. and insha-allah you will.

  2. Aria says:

    An everyday story but I liked the way you told it in 55 words .. “sounds of a crashing glass & a slap!”
    It seems fun exercise esp for verbose so-called writers like me. I guess I’ll give it a shot too ! :>D

  3. cheti says:

    I concur with IW ! This is a cliched theme and cliched situations !

    You are better at portraying thing with a unique perspective !

  4. ubermensch says:

    Through the melting evening a Black Benz pulled up. A man wearing shades covering his deep eyes got out . He briefly looked about and after convincing himself, he sat by the window table. Iced lemon tea, no sugar, he ordered softly. He removed his shades and addressed the man, Nahin pehchaana? Mein. Daaaktar Chotu.

    Ah there. Garcon means boy.;)

  5. asuph says:

    iw/cheti: thanks! and iw, that was a cliched comment! lol.

    aria: yup, worth trying. it’s when we try that we learn how easy it is to be verbose.

    yoss: lol. exactly 55 words!

    shailesh: this is a family entertainment channel! not your tarantino pitt. watch your language you tyranny of evil men.

  6. Shailesh says:

    i was only trying to defend you bitch! aur kaunse family entertainment channel pe ‘maadarchaud’ keh sakte hain? humne to sirf ‘fluck’ kahaa. wordpress pe aur ek blog pe camment likhake pacchtaayaa hoon hum; is blog pe camment likhake pacchtaaneki soche nahi the. khair woh bhi dekh liye hoozoor.

  7. Vivek says:

    Complete, but too cliched for an Indian audience.
    The language and references makes it impossible for any other.

    write 55 stories, each 55 words, and I promise to comment on each one:)

  8. asuph says:

    shailesh: you forget finer nuances between foul language as art and foul language as well foul language. but since you’re smart, i will back off and accept defeat. very few smart people in the world, you know.

    vivek: 🙂

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