When words run away from you, as if you’re some wild beast, what do you do? Especially when all you ever gift the woman in your life is words? Yeah, so Bee Gees might have romanticized it when they said, “it’s only words, words are all I have, to take your heart away”, but then, like I said, if all you’ve got are words, you start thinking: maybe, just maybe you should actually buy a (as they say, a real) gift. Naaaah!
And so I’ll start, on a journey, to find the words that are eluding me. On this day, running away cannot be taken lightly. On other days, I’d let them be (or set them free as the other member of the only mutual admiration society that I’ve ever joined, recently advised me to do), not today. Today I’ll chase them, hunt them, like a sniffing dog, and inshallah, I’ll find them.
And when I do, I’ll plead, I’ll invent charms that I don’t have, I’ll get down on my knees…
Conceited, yeah that’s what I am. Even today, all I can write about is me, and the draught of words. While she, with all her quite acceptance, will just see beyond the “no presents, no explanations” racket, and will probably wonder why, oh why, did I not take right steps at the right time, when I saw this guy being weird all the time?
“You don’t love me anymore”
I smile that seventh variation of sardonic smile that basically says, “hey, I’m trying to blog here”
“You should have married a computer, or your bike, or both”
It’s time for the eight’s variation (that says, uh, do I need to do something about this?).
“Okay write! Write, read, watch movies, listen to music. And when you’re tired of it all, if ever I’m that lucky that is, talk to me”
Eight’s variation is as far as you can go. After that, you enter the cold war zone. And in wars it doesn’t matter who wins, but you always lose.
“Okay, I’ll shut down the machine”
Tone — it makes all the difference. You must say this with utmost (UTMOST) genuine tone (100% organic!!!). Not patronizing, not angry, not disappointed, not irritated. You know?
“No yaar. You write. I’m sorry”
And she still wonders why I love her so much!
Sometimes I feel guilty of being me. It must be tough to live with a self-engrossed person like me, forget being in love with one. But if you ask me what’s the greatest thing your partner can do for you I’ll say it’s letting you be. I hope, S, I’ve let you be. And you have, thank you. So yes, I still miss those book reading sessions that went deep into the nights, or listening to GnR with a volume level worthy of Slash’s guitar, but hey I still give you nothing but words on our wedding anniversary. In the real sense, I’ve hardly changed.
rahegi, yun hi kal bhi
teri aadat ab
pad gayi hai itni,
ki soch ke bhi
dar jaata hoon
kahin ye khwaab
to hai yahin aarazoo,
ki gaherii ho
ye neend itni
ki ek raat hi
zindagii ban jaayen
I guess I should go buy a (as they say: real) gift. God only knows where those traitors are hiding.